No the damn baby is not here yet

Today I

• haven't had breakfast yet
• think I'll probably spend most of the day on the verge of tears
• hate being this pregnant
• love the ringlets at the nape of Bella's neck

Several things have already made me want to cry or actually cry this morning and it's only 7.30am. Several things did make me cry yesterday.

1. My inability to parent Bella in an effective way, especially the bits where I'm getting nasty because I'm completely over whatever she is pushing me with at that moment in time
2. The stretchmarks that started appearing on my belly yesterday. I managed to avoid them last time round, not so this time. It brought up all kinds of emotional baggage about the teasing in swimming lessons as a kid being as how I was the only girl with tiger stripes.
3. Bella's bedtime
4. The fact that two women on a forum I'm a member of have given birth yesterday, and they were both due after me
5. The suggestion that the bedtime shenanigans are due to a lack of stimulation provided at home compared to nursery, feeding into my feeling inadequate as a parent and wondering how on earth I provide enough stimulation for a child as intelligent as Bella, when I feel physically, emotionally and mentally the way I do today. And also wondering why on the days she does go to nursery and obviously must get stimulated enough she still wont go to sleep. Yep, makes me want to cry and probably will make me cry in about 5 minutes time
6. My complete inability to go into labour. YES I BLOODY WELL KNOW I'M NOT DUE TILL TOMORROW AND THEREFORE SHOULDN'T BE UPSET ABOUT IT
7. The fact that all I want to do is sit and cry because I'm tired, I hurt, and there is no solution

People keep telling me that it's much easier having two kids than being this pregnant with one. I really hope they are right. I'm not coping with this at all anymore.