making albuqueque

MJWG

Today I

• ate vegemite and tomato toast for breakfast, well the bits of that that Bella didn't steal anyway
• am still very sore, sorry and swollen
• hate the aftermath of labour
• love how well I'm being looked after

Mortimer Jack Whiteside Goff was born at 10.20am on Wednesday 8th July. He weighed in at 8lb 4oz (or 3.743kg if you like, regardless it was 2lb 2oz or almost a kilo more than Bella was). He's the spitting image of his Dad, I promise to get photos up soon.

Labour was OK I suppose, aftermath was once again not, but more detail on that when I'm not feeling so washed out.

We're home, Bella is besotted, Morty is feeding like a champ, which my nipples are not loving at all, and he's a sleeper.

No the damn baby is not here yet

Today I

• haven't had breakfast yet
• think I'll probably spend most of the day on the verge of tears
• hate being this pregnant
• love the ringlets at the nape of Bella's neck

Several things have already made me want to cry or actually cry this morning and it's only 7.30am. Several things did make me cry yesterday.

1. My inability to parent Bella in an effective way, especially the bits where I'm getting nasty because I'm completely over whatever she is pushing me with at that moment in time
2. The stretchmarks that started appearing on my belly yesterday. I managed to avoid them last time round, not so this time. It brought up all kinds of emotional baggage about the teasing in swimming lessons as a kid being as how I was the only girl with tiger stripes.
3. Bella's bedtime
4. The fact that two women on a forum I'm a member of have given birth yesterday, and they were both due after me
5. The suggestion that the bedtime shenanigans are due to a lack of stimulation provided at home compared to nursery, feeding into my feeling inadequate as a parent and wondering how on earth I provide enough stimulation for a child as intelligent as Bella, when I feel physically, emotionally and mentally the way I do today. And also wondering why on the days she does go to nursery and obviously must get stimulated enough she still wont go to sleep. Yep, makes me want to cry and probably will make me cry in about 5 minutes time
6. My complete inability to go into labour. YES I BLOODY WELL KNOW I'M NOT DUE TILL TOMORROW AND THEREFORE SHOULDN'T BE UPSET ABOUT IT
7. The fact that all I want to do is sit and cry because I'm tired, I hurt, and there is no solution

People keep telling me that it's much easier having two kids than being this pregnant with one. I really hope they are right. I'm not coping with this at all anymore.

39+4 or T-3 days

Nothing to see here. Still pregnant, still huge, still in pain, still hot. The only thing changing is Bella is getting more feral by the minute and is driving me mental. She hasn't gone to sleep until 10pm any night this week, despite being rottenly tired. She will do nothing I ask her to and everything she knows either irritates me or she is not allowed to do. She pushes and pushes and pushes until I snap, and then laughs at me when I inevitably do. I am not the parent I would like to be right now.

It's an incredibly fun household.

39+0 or T-7 days

Today I

• ate cheerios and juice for breakfast
• have really sore feet
• hate hot weather
• love tea

So, I'm still pregnant. It's one week until my due date. I thought last night that things might be starting to happen. I had Braxton Hicks contractions every 3 minutes from 3pm until I went to bed at 10.30pm. But it all led to nothing...again. We are currently in the middle of a heatwave (well heatwave for England anyway). So the puffy elephant feet have gone beyond ridiculous. I wont be sorry to see the end of those. All wishes and prayers for labour to kick off will be greatfully received.

Yesterday was my first day home alone with Bella. She's only going to nursery 2 days a week while I'm on maternity leave. All in all in went well, we had a good time, she was reasonably compliant. Until bedtime that is. It was too hot and she was too excited to see Daddy, so there was a 2 hour marathon of ignoring her and her standing on her windowsill trying to get attention before she finally fell asleep at about 9.30. BAH, I don't enjoy evenings like that, particularly after a really nice day.

It's too hot to sleep at the moment. I am weary today.

38+3

Today I

• ate porridge and cranberry juice for breakfast
• am having heartburn
• hate wee on carpets
• love crazy hair days

So here's how I feel about being 38 and a bit weeks pregnant with no end in sight. It's a terribly flattering photo of me no?

There was a false alarm last weekend, where I really thought we were on the way, and sadly cancelled our trip to a wedding in Yorkshire. Now I feel guilty, because there was no action, and I am still pregnant. So who knows when it will happen.

How I'm feeling? Big. I've got the puffy elephant feet. Turning over in bed is an exercise int he 3 point turn. Otherwise I'm doing pretty well for this stage of pregnancy. Everything that can be got ready is ready, so it's a waiting game for the next 11 days or so. Please send thoughts that it wont be as long as that.

hippo birdday to ewe

Today I

• ate Special K and cranberry juice for breakfast
• am still damn well pregnant
• hate being still damn well pregnant
• love toddler cuddles    

I'm about done with being pregnant. It's getting to the sodding painful, can't sleep, just want it over with stage. Eviction notices have been signed, kid is not paying any attention to them, and spent the majority of last night with head very firmly butting against my left hip. Skulls hurt when they are digging into your left hip, they hurt a lot.

Anyway, enough of the pregnancy whining.

Here's some photos from Bella's birthday and party. We did presents the day after her birthday, since her actual birthday she was at nursery, and Matthew and I were both at work. There's heaps of present opening photos, but here she is with her new doll's house. She's really enjoying it.

All dressed up ready for her party

The barbeque aftermath. Thank goodness for the lovely weather. We all sat around drinking and talking, and the kids weren't fractious until the 4pm witching hour hit.

And here's the Hey Diddle Diddle cake I made for her. She luckily picked the easiest cake to make in the whole cake book.

All in all a fun afternoon was had by all. Bella was very spoilt with some lovely gifts, and I would totally do a toddler party that way again.

life is crazy

Today I

• ate marmalade toast for breakfast
• that gave me heartburn
• love foetal hiccups
• hate heartburn

Here's a photo from last week when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I don't know why it's kind of blurry, but there you go.

and with Bella at 36 weeks

Yup, still bigger this time round.

Life has been busy, we spent last week racing around trying to find another car. It's done, but we're messing around trying to pick it up and waiting, waiting, waiting, because it's not quite ready yet. It had better be by tomorrow morning or I'll be really pissy.

I've had 2 midwife visits since last update. Last thursday the community midwife came to our house to assess me for a home birth. Home birth is very much plan B, it's 3am, I need to go to hospital and don't want to disturb Bella. Better to have planned a home birth in that instance. Anyhoo, all is looking good, she's left the kit, and we hope we don't have to use it.

Plan A is the local midwife led unit, where I went today. I had a lovely chat with the Irish midwife about the fact that they are not to dare to stitch me up without pain relief under any circumstances. I'm still traumatised by the stitching up post Bella's birth and don't care to repeat the experience. There are now several references to this in my maternity notes. All is fine with me and bub, my iron level is fine, my wee is fine (hoo-bloody-ray finally no UTI), my blood pressure is fine, my fundal height is fine. Baby is now 2/5 engaged, and the size estimate I asked for was not scary. I then got a tour of the unit. There's 3 birthing rooms, one has a pool, one is a pretty standard room, and one completely cracked me up. It has full on disco lights. I mean it, there's a mirror ball in the corner, sparkly lights, lights that change colour. It's hilarious and I have a funny feeling that that is where we are going to end up.

What else has been going on? Well, the garden is going great guns. We've picked our first strawberry (very tasty according to Bella). We've eaten the first of our lettuces (and how cool was it that we could provide our own lettuces for the barbeque we had). We've had Bella's 3rd birthday party, which was  a great success, A barbeque on a lovely sunny day for 15 adults and 6 kids. A good time was had by all. Pictures will come later.

Tomorrow we are off to Yorkshire for a wedding. Please no lectures about the stupidity of going 4 hours drive away, 40 minutes from the nearest hospital when 37 weeks pregnant. I am well aware of the stupidity of it, but it is one of Matthew's oldest friends from Australia, and living over here we miss out on far too many of those big important occasions. Words have been had with the little tacker about not arriving until I'm good and ready thank you very much.

Oh and I decided to start my maternity leave a week early. I woke up yesterday and decided I just couldn't do work any more, and didn't think they'd accept 'I can't get any shoes on my puffy elephant feet' as a legitimate excuse for non-maternity sick leave. So I'm finishing up this afternoon. All I have left to do is perhaps have another cup of tea, and tidy out my desk. Next week is time for quality couch time with bad TV, knitting, and tea, with my feet up, while Bella is at nursery. The week after she starts going 2 days per week till the end of December, but right now I need that week on my own to rest. It's not even like I've got much nesting to do. The baby clothes and nappies are all washed, we've bought a baby monitor, my hospital bag is almost packed. All I've really got to do is get a moses basket organised and there's 2 people can give me one of those at short notice.

Next post will be all about Bella's birthday, I promise.

three

Today I

• ate porridge for breakfast
• am ignoring the fact that it is Bella's third birthday, and Matthew and I can't spend it with her
• hate damn UTIs
• love snuggly morning cuddles

I'm struggling to get my head around the fact that Bella is 3 today. This time three years ago I was contracting every 3 to 5 minutes, it would be about 3 hours until we left for the hospital, and about 6 until our girl was born. It was hot, hot, hot. The day of Bella's birth held some surprises, a lot of pain, and some trauma, but was worth every second of it in the end.

Bella's third year has been a rough one. She was showing the first signs of Guillain-Barre Syndrome this time last year, although we didn't realise it at the time. I think the time she was in hospital, particularly in high dependency, when she was just getting weaker and weaker, is the scariest time in my life. We were so relieved she wasn't in hospital too long. We've all been amazed at her recovery. You wouldn't be able to tell she'd ever been sick if you didn't know she had, and didn't have a parent's eagle eye on the case.

This year has been trying for other reasons. The twos were not so terrible, but as she edged closer and closer to three, Bella started pushing more and more boundaries, and having more and more tantrums. And hoo boy does our daughter know how to push my buttons. She knows what's going to piss me off and she knows when to deploy those tactics entirely too well. But for all that, and for all I get annoyed and angry, I'm also deep down really glad that she's got a fiesty, independent little spirit that will stand up for herself.

So, this past year Bella learnt to walk again, she's learnt to run and jump. We've left nappies behind and don't have too many accidents. Bella moved into a big bed in her own room. She talks as well as a child a year older than she is. She loves the Wiggles, and Play School, and Koala Brothers and Balamory. We've got the first signs of wanting to wear girl clothes. Her favourite colours are blue, purple and yellow, although not in that order. Bella loves to help cook, and wants to be involved in everything we do, even the washing up, although not for long. She's extremely fascinated by but also slightly scared of bugs. Bella loves to read. She likes to do my hair, and look after her toys. You'd be amazed at how often her toys cry for her and need to be cuddled and carried inside her top. Bedtime continues to be somewhat of an issue. Somebody is still incredibly sleep resistant and seems to see right through every tactic we try to get her to stay in her bed, on her own. We've now resorted to the stair gate across her door until she gets with the program. Bella doesn't seem to get that we don't care if she doesn't go to sleep, as long as she stays in bed. Thankfully she's still a reasonably adventurous little eater (although getting less so by the second). Her favourite food is pasta, closely followed by sausages, tomatoes and any fruit she can lay her hands on. She'd prefer to eat plain yoghurt over flavoured, and prefers water to juice most of the time. She's obsessed with pouring water. Bella likes puzzles, and drawing, and painting (mostly herself). She does not like to have her hair done at all. At the moment, she seems excited by the idea of a sibling. I expect that will change when the reality of a new baby in the house and extremely overtired, cranky mummy hits.

All in all I enjoyed two, and given current indications, I'm shaking in my boots about 3.

not what I need today

So the mechanic called Matthew back about the car. It's stuffed, as in complete engine failure, not worth fixing kind of stuffed. And I would now like to curl up in a ball and cry. Not what I need at 36 weeks pregnant and not supposed to be walking anywhere with 2.5 more weeks work that includes quite a bit of walking between work and nursery unless I spend ages on a very convoluted bus trip.

Can I please rewind and start Saturday over again and have it turn out different?

stupid cars that breakdown at inconvenient moments

today I

• had porridge for breakfast
• am glad I'm not living in such a world of snot as the past 2 days
• hate snot
• love kisses from Bella

Right, quick update.

1. I'm 36 weeks pregnant, I feel like a whale. Most of my maternity clothes no longer fit, but I've not had to resort to wearing Mattman's shorts to work.....yet
2. Because of 1 I am intensely sorry I still have another 2.5 weeks to go at work, and a wedding to go to in Yorkshire next weekend
3. I went to a wool festival on Saturday, all by myself. I had a lovely time, did a workshop on spinning, listened to a talk and Q&A session by a famous knitter, and spent entirely too much money on knitterly and spinnerly things
4. Photo evidence of 1 and 3 would have come today, but I forgot to bring the camera with me
5. I also forgot to put the rice I cooked this morning into the fridge. Which means I need to start from scratch when I get home with an overtired, probably cranky toddler. This has been annoying me all day.
6. I went to the doctor yesterday for an unrelated matter, she made me do a wee sample, and hooray, I have another damn UTI. Enough already with the damn UTIs, this has got to be my 3rd or 4th one this pregnancy, and I can't possibly drink anymore without having it injected directly into my veins.
7. Oh yeah, did I mention that the car broke down in Coventry on Saturday and I had to get towed home? Car drove to Coventry reasonably OK, I say reasonably, it wasn't great. I went to said wool festival, and then, when I got back to the car, the day went to pot. I tried to start the car, the engine turned over, it had no power, it blew an awful lot of smoke, and then stopped again. The RAC man said it was acting like a car that had the wrong fuel in it, but he couldn't smell the wrong fuel. He had to tow me home. The car has been sitting at the mechanic since then waiting for them to have a chance to look at it and tell us what the damage is and what it will cost to fix. I am not looking forward to their response. We hope to hear today.
8. i have spent 2 days sitting on the couch with an atrocious cold. While this did allow me to get quite a bit of knitting done, it also highlighted the fact that I really, really wish I was finishing up work now, not in 2.5 weeks time.
9. On the upside, the garden is doing really well. Our first couple of strawberries are almost ripe, the potatoes look sensational, we might be able to use some of our own lettuce at Bella's party on the weekend, there are an awful lot of tiny tomatoes on our myriad of tomato plants. Not bad for rank amateurs who were previously considered to be brown thumbs. Although I think it's more to to with the weather than anything we (and that's a Royal we, Matthew does most of the veggie patch work) have done.